Naturally, Lobus would not be the only avatar cluttering my brain functions, so here is a sketch of the rest of the gang, and what they represent (from left to right):

Ira (anger)
Consider a monk, a man who’s entire purpose of life has been to believe in God. Now take that belief away from him: Make him experience something, that turns his world upside down, tears out his heart and just plain ol’  fucks his life up. In the picture,  he’s chubby and kind of humble; but he’s strong. And very mean.

I don’t get angry much, but when it happens, this is how it feels.

Psycho Kid
Sometimes, I just get all… sploinky. I become giddy and playful and, unfortunately, destructive. I don’t hurt people (I hope), but I do turn into this punk kid, that’s bored out of her mind. The weapons are for the sarcasm I tend to spout, which surprises even me.

The Kitty-Cat
This is my sexuality. Yes, I’m a pussycat. An old and fidgety but still playful kitty, who’s had her battles and walked away with the scars. Rawr.

My sense of organisation, problem solving and, sadly, discipline. I am probably the laziest person I know, and Lobus takes after me. He’s also the leader of my little pack of avatars.

The Muse
As a being, who does no more than inspire idea’s and images, the Muse is dressed here in a simple piece of cloth. He will reveal, what needs to be revealed, when the time is right. Incidentally, he does that all the time. Me not getting it down on paper is entirely Lobus’ fault, I swear!

The Blank Twins (Blanco & Loch)
…are what used to be my depression but has over time turned into a much healthier way of dealing with the world, when it gets too much for me. Depression is actually a wrong word for describing what happens to me, when I get in that mood. A proper one would be: Blank.

The left one (Blanco) represents what I like to call my Staring-At-Nothing mood: When I completely zone out and there is no contact to the Mother ship. It’s not a bad thing, I think. It just helps me not to think too hard about things, I can’t do anything about anyway.

The right-hand one (Loch) is my Social-Staring-At-Nothing mood. Its eyes are more open to fake attention. Ears have been sewn on, so it appears to be listening. It has a mouth, so it can say the proper words at the proper times. And the body is made of many different parts, so it has a vast knowledge of all things seemingly important to a tedious conversation. But it’s still a Blank Twin.

I don’t consider any of this an unhealthy or even abnormal way of behaving. I’m sure everybody has their own way of coping with boredom. And when you’re like me, who’s been a little to close to the edge, you stick with what works.


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